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I hate when you have to decide if it’s better to keep holding on or to let go.
It’s kinda funny how life works, isn’t it? How one little thing can change literally everything. How simply re-adding someone on Facebook can bring back a relationship with someone you thought you would never talk to again. Realistically, I didn’t think I would ever post anything about you on here ever again. But here I am, once again. Its been over a year since we’ve even talked. And it took me a long time to get over you. I figured since I put everything in the past I would add you on Facebook, and honestly I didn’t think you would even talk to me. But you did, almost immediately. Part of me wanted you to talk to me, just because its been so long and I always wonder what your up to, but the other part of me wishes you didn’t. Let me just make one thing clear; if you think you’re going to walk back into my life and make me fall for you all over again, you’re wrong. You put me through hell. You fucked me up. I haven’t been able to fully trust anyone or open up to anybody since you. I’m finally getting past that. I can’t do it again. I would like nothing more than to be friends with you, but nothing more. I have a boyfriend now and I’m completely happy with him. You’re not going to ruin that for me. But as of right now, I’m just happy to talk to you for once.
I don’t understand how someone that you’ve been friends with since before High School can hate you out of no where. Honestly, how does that even happen? Oh wait; this is how. If you’re going to hate me just because they hate me, then fine. By all means, do it. But if you’re going to fucking post about me on their facbeook walls and write “Now I understand why you hate the red head” Like really? “The red head” That’s pathetic. Yeah, maybe I did turn into a bitch, but I’ve NEVER been a bitch to YOU. Yeah, I DO bitch about other girls on facbeook IF I have a reason. And the only girls I’ve bitched about are the girls that have their boobs hanging out all the time. Are you really that offended over this? That’s pathetic. You don’t even know half the shit I went through the last four years and you’re just going to turn into an asshole, just like that. You’re fucking awesome. I don’t fucking need you. I can’t wait till you fucking move. I’m sick of you. Out of all people I was friends with through high school you’re the LAST person I thought I would have to block on facebook, the last. I’m honestly so upset right now. It sucks when every single one of the “best friends” you had in high school turn on you. I guess when they say you don’t find out your real friends until after high school, they weren’t kidding.
Happy five months, baby.
I love you to the moon and back <3
We both know how terrible I am at telling people how I feel, so this shouldn’t come as much of a shock to you. I know we get in arguments all the time. I know that I get mad at you, ignore your texts, give you one word answers, and am just a straight up bitch; But what you don’t know is the reason why. I’m so ridiculously scared of getting hurt again so I try to cover it up with anger. Yes, when you change plans and go hangout with someone else, I get mad but the side that I don’t show is the side that gets upset. I really do love you and I love spending time with you and when I’m looking forward to it and at the last minute you bail, it sucks. Just know that as much as I’m a bitch to you and it hurts you, in the end, it destroys me inside. Nobody knows how much I cry over stupid shit that I did. I cry over you way more than you think, in good ways and bad ways. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve gotten text messages from you that made me cry, in a good way. I love you and I don’t want you to doubt that, ever. You’re perfect for me <3
I have no confidence whatsoever. I wish I was skinnier. I wish my hair was longer. I wish I had a pretty smile. I wish my hair was a different color. I wish my thighs were smaller. I wish my fingers weren’t so long. I wish I didn’t have a huge ass. I wish I had curly hair. I wish I wasn’t so emotional. I wish I was tan. I wish I wasn’t so short. I wish when someone told me that I was pretty, that I could actually believe them. I’m not happy with a single thing about me.
Jacob Sojka, I love you. <3
- Love love love love. Love’s kind of a funny thing. It’s something that’s different for everyone. But if you ask me, here’s how it goes: You expect it to be easy. You expect everything to be perfect, all the time. You expect to not have to fight for that person anymore. And you usually expect it to last forever. Now, I’m not going to sit here and act like I know everything about love, because obviously I don’t. Love’s really not all it’s cracked up to be. Love makes you crazy. You think the other person is always going to say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel. They don’t, they can’t read minds. You expect them to talk to you 24/7 and want to be with you every moment possible. Usually this isn’t the case. People need space. You expect that once you fall in love, you’re never going to fight with the person, you’re never going to get mad, everything’s going to be perfect. It’s the complete opposite. You learn things about them that’s going to make you crazy, they’re going to piss you off more then you can imagine, and they’ll make you insane. Love makes you do pretty stupid things. But that’s the beauty of it, that’s what love is. Love is knowing all those things about the person, and not caring. It’s still wanting to be with them even though they drive you crazy most of the time. It’s when you’re together, on a rainy Saturday afternoon, laying in bed, cuddling and holding hands, in silence; and there’s no where else you would rather be. It’s the feeling they get every time they say “I love you”. It’s the butterflies you get. And when you still get them after months of being together. It’s staying up all night to talk to them because it’s just not the same if you don’t. It’s waking up to good morning text messages. It’s hugging them and not letting go. It’s getting in a huge fight, crying yourself to sleep, then waking up and realizing how stupid it was, and it changes nothing. And then eventually, love becomes painful. One day you wake up and you won’t have a good morning text message; and right from that point your day won’t be the same. You’ll go to school, and they won’t be at your locker waiting for you. You’ll go to your classes, you’ll see them in the halls, but you won’t say anything. Not even hello. And every time you see that person you’ll have to fight back tears. Then you’ll go home. You won’t get a text, a call, you’ll go on facebook and he’ll be online but you won’t talk. You’ll see pictures of you guys together, when you were happiest in your life, and you’ll cry. You’ll delete them off your facebook friend list because you can’t even stand to see what they’re doing, because all you can think about it how you should be there with them. You’ll eventually regret deleting them though, it always happens. Then after a while, it won’t bother you as much. You get used to all those changes. You won’t expect texts anymore, you won’t wait for their call, because you know it’s not coming. And you’ll start to get over the person. And just when you think you’re there, just when you think you’ve finally moved on, he calls you. And every single feeling you had comes back. After all the pain, all the tears, all the sleepless nights, all the shit you both talked about each other, after knowing all of it was a lie, after everything; the feelings are still there. and not a thing in the world can change the way you feel about the person. That’s love.
